i seem to be on a G theme this week. this week’s ranting brought to you by the letter G and the number 7.

tomorrow is april fool’s day which means the day before april dawn’s 30th birthday. her dad used to tell her she is late for everything, even april fool’s day since she was born april 2nd. for years, she said she was going to have a rollerskating party for her 30th where we’d all have to participate. she used to hang out at the rink, do scissors, backwardsnand couple skate skate to hungy eyes. but, i don’t think that is happening. last i heard, Béla Fleck sat and mill on sunday. i expect her to get crazy drunk and tell me a few stories if i run into her. either that or ignore me to talk to strangers about concerts and rollerskating. happy birthday apple dapple! i’ve known you since you were half this age and hope to know you when we’re old and wizzened (and not a day before that. the devil says honey it won’t be that long, besides i’d like to see you a little more fat. {morphine})

me n april a while back (like my pimp coat?)

what the fuck* is a grup?

i suppose i’m a little gruppish but in a good “relate to kids” way but not in the $200 haircut and sevens jeans type way. i wish i was rich enough to be that materialistic. or rather, rich enough to choose not to be materialistic. grups = trustfunders with kids.

(after reading the profanity article, i thought “hmmm, i might cuss more than most people. saying “the f word” a few times a week? ha. it is my favorite cuss word and the hardest to supress but i do around the child that can repeat me. i cuss around the babies because they can’t understand yo)

daily, necessary tasks performed by ME

• change approx. 24 diapers per day
• make 1 pitcher of formula (3 c. formula 1/2 neosure 1/2 enfacare and 6 & 3/4 cups of water)
• fill at least 9 bottles for the boys and 3 for lil (as they use different bottles)
• assemble dr. brown’s bottles for boys and lil – find appropriate parts and make sure don’t use the y-cut cereal nipples for formula or vice versa
• feed boys every four hours with some bottle in between. negotiate and plead with baby boys to keep cereal in their mouths and not push it out with their tongue then grab the bib covered in said cereal and smash it into their face and hair. give bottle when infant becomes so mad that he pulls my hair with cereal and banana covered fingers.
• wipe boys down. change clothes. repeat.
• feed lily at 10, 6 and 10 – nurse does other feedings
• feed monster at least 2 semi-balanced meals a day
• feel guilty about not feeding monster more balanced meals
• dishes- handwashed and dishwasher. oh so many dishes.
• make feeble attempt at pit of despair- i mean laundry room
• change boy’s clothes (nurse can change lily’s)
• make sure they have socks on or the world will come to an end
• find matching damn socks
• bathe and descale the boys (dry skin)
• give lily breathing treatment at 6 and 12
• hold lily and work on strengthening her muscles by putting her in different positions and massaging her feet and legs
• hold boys. repeat.
• rotate children into different swings/seats/exersaucers/floor positions every 10 minutes of non-holding or sleeping time before they get bored and wail
• put lily on her ventilator at 7 pm
• take monster to kindergarten/walk to bustop when he’s dropped off
• feel guilty about letting monster play video games and watch nickelodeon too much
• read to monster and do homework
• try to sit down and eat one meal with monster. remember not to read when eating which is habit and coax conversation out of child.
• plead with monster to take a bath, force him to wash his hair, get out when he says he needs privacy and come back when he begs me to sit and talk to him. mop the damn bathroom floor after he spilled half the bathtub water on the floor “washing his hotwheels”. or money. he has a gladware container full of coins and i’ve caught him sneaking it into the bathtub so “it won’t be dirty”. so yeah, he launders money.
• check email and essential blogs, news, celebrity gossip, triplet site, fark, flickr, etc. (note: done throughout the day in five minute {maybe} spurts)
• write
• shower- maybe
• wifely duties (huh i said duty)
• i’m sure there are more but this has gotten boring.