Before I had kids, I think I was more of an “I feel cold” person. Now, maybe thanks to some extra baby weight, I am a “Damn, I’m hot” person. I hate the frigid cold but I really can’t stand being inside if it is hot and stuffy. Hot outside is better than hot inside. What do you prefer? Are you hot or cold? Tropical or Wintery?

Maybe I’m thinking about this because the temperature is dropping and we’re going from mild, mid-sixties weather to possible snowstorm in 24 hours. Everybody Panic!!

(dammit- after naming this post, Huey Lewis lyrics are streaming through my brain. she’s got it all! hot lovin’ every night…)

This picture has nothing at all to do with Mike’s Birthday but it is him being eaten by a giant caterpillar. So there’s that.

27 years ago in an Illinois hospital named after Abraham Lincoln’s Step-mother*, my husband came into the world- damn sagittarius. He is celebrating his birthday by going to work! Exciting! Tonight, we’re gorging on lasagna (his favorite) and apple pie (because he hates cake. honestly, who hates cake?). C. gave him a card with a monkey picking his nose that said “I couldn’t have picked a better Dad” and both of our hearts melted a little while we laughed at the nose-picking monkey. Happy Birthday Mike! I know you don’t read this even though you posted for me last week but maybe I’ll force you to later. May your birthday be filled with Final Fantasy playing and other, ahem, fun things after the kids are in bed.

*Total Side Note about the Lincolns that I learned in Mike’s Lincoln History-Heavy Hometown. An attack of milk sickness disease contracted by drinking milk from cows that grazed on poisonous white snakeroot killed Nancy Hanks Lincoln, Abraham’s biological mother. Poisoned milk. Aren’t you glad you live now instead of in 1818 Indiana? The Lincolns moved to Illinois after she died and Thomas Lincoln remarried the namesake of the hospital where Mike was birthed. (Updated to add that we figured out a friend and sister-in-law of Dizzawn, Big Thirsty’s Wife, was born in the same hospital. SHUT UP! As she said, Its a small world after all, its a small world after all…)

Excerpt from my morning:

Lady from City Hall: “No, we never continue building code violation court dates.”

Me: “What do you mean you never continue these court dates? I have 15 month old triplets, a cast on my foot and can’t drive. What if I were in the hospital? Would you continue it then?”

Lady of Condescension: “Well, we’d ask him to appear”

Me: “Well, what if he was in the hospital too?”

Lady who feels really important because she answers a phone at the circuit court for a medium sized suburb of a third tier city: “ma’am, I don’t have time to go round and round like this” CLICK

Me outloud to myself: “NO SHE DIDN’T! SHE JUST HUNG UP ON ME!”

I called back five minutes later and said “Look, I’m a tax payer in this city and I don’t appreciate being hung up on.” to someone who answered the phone that wasn’t the chicken shit lady who hung up on me. He said “Well, the judge won’t continue your case and I don’t know if she hung up on you or your were disconnected”. I felt, to borrow a new word that I enjoy, stabby.

Instead of injuring elected officials, I have to go to court tonight. In a wheelchair and I should drag along all four kids just to make a statement that this is fucking ridiculous but that statement may also drive me insane. Instead, Dad will drop me off while Mike works overtime, and I’ll wheel my civically responsible ass into court. You know why we were cited for a building violation? Because through a various chain of procrastination, the gables on the top of our house had peeling paint that wasn’t replaced when we redid our siding. I didn’t even know what gables were until this b.s. and they weren’t that peely. Well, I fought city hall but the city hall won. Dammit. Stay tuned for an update of my stupid court date- maybe I’ll sneak in my camera phone and take pictures of the boring.

i may or not have spent thirty minutes on my kitchen floor scooping apple pie filling out of the half eaten crust and feeding it to jack with my finger to shut him up. while i may have been doing this, ethan might have snuck into the left over mashed potatoes and left a baby sized handprint in said potatoes.

Every has-been, one-hit-wonder, shoulda never recorded a Christmas Album artist can be found on my pediatrician’s infinite hold music loop. What’s that? Wilson Phillips singing “All I want for Christmas?”, Ace of Base singing “Joy to the World?” Oh God, in homage to your only begotten son, make it stop!

so um oops. i forgot to update my web hosting company when i temporarily lost my debit card, freaked out, called the bank, reported the lost card, waited 7-10 days for a new one with a new number and promptly found the old one on my dresser the same day the new one arrived. sorry for the temporary kimblaaaahg outage. i know, i know, you can’t live without me but it is okay! i’m back! feliz navidad! exclamation points rock!

Only five days left in NoBolo Month. If you haven’t noticed, I just call it something different everytime. Some people call it National Blopping Month but that sounds too poopy and I’ve had enough of the poop with the great flu of 2006. I am gleefully reporting that today, no one threw up or had diarrhea (is it just me that has to look up that word every single time? why can’t i remember diarrhea?). Jack ran 102 fever because he has an ear infucktion. Twat? I cunt hear you!

The babies are finally healing and I’m so thankful because, among other things, I can get their Christmas pictures taken this week. Time to unleash the festive cuteness which has no boundaries. I hope Jack has gotten over his fear and hatred of flashes and photo studios.

I got my first Christmas Card of the season yesterday. It had a kitten with a candy cane on the cover and an oil change coupon inside (it was from the place that fixes our cars).

I learned a lesson today. If you break your glasses on a Sunday and are desparate to get them fixed, going to the mall eyeglass store is a waste of time and money. I got the eye exam and for the first time in my life that I can recall, the optomotrist said my vision improved! I’m not as nearsighted as I used to be! Must be all the intarweb surfing- it be good for the eyes. Arrgh. Anyway, after the exam, I looked at lenses and frames but when it was time for the sales girl who ended every sentence in an upward inflection like it was a question told me the total was $450. Mike and I called bullshit and left the damned mall with my eyeglasses prescription in hand and a mission to go to Costco.

I got a brand new flexible, twistable, hopefully baby proof glasses there for $123. It was so cheap, I got a pair of prescription sunglasses (Anna, I thought of you as I chose sunglass frames. I almost got some bigger Olsen Twins shades but went for the less face enveloping ones.) Granted, I don’t get them in one hour- more like one week- but I know a place that will fix these frames tomorrow anyway and I needed new glasses so it is alllll good. Costco- the place to go for digital cameras, birthday cakes, diapers and glasses. Oh, and awesome Perogi samples.

All was good until Mike found a great pair of gloves. Sometime afterwards, he realized his wedding band was missing. For the next HOUR, he searched under the pallets with a flashlight for his ring but never found it. Actual quote from the situation:

Costco Guy to Me: “Wow, you’ve been sitting there for a long time.”
Me: “Yeah, I know. My husband is the guy laying on the floor next to the piles of discount sweaters with a flashlight.”
Mike: “Dammit!!!!! This sucks. Okay, I want another one just like the other one. Can you order it and have it overnighted? I needed a smaller size anyway.”
Me: Audible Sigh.

Costco, why do you have to be so good and yet so bad at the same time? I just can’t quit you.

Los bebes were reunited today (Jack spent the night at my sister’s last night because we didn’t get back from the hospital until he was already asleep over there). I think Lily and Jack noticeably grew in the last 2 1/2 days. They are 15 months old now and if they had been born when they were actually due last year, they would be turning one year old. Happy Woulda Been Birthday kiddos.

Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night, it’s only right
To think about the girl you love and hold her tight
So happy together

So happy together
How is the weather
So happy together
We’re happy together
So happy together
Happy together
So happy together
So happy together
(ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba)

if you have a sick kid or three, this page tells you the dosages for ibuprofen and tylenol. the children’s version is cheaper than the infant drops and you can, in fact, use for kids under 2 and there are charts on the page that explain dosages by weight. just thought you may like to know. in fact, instead of dosing the kids with advil, i’m telling you about the site. ‘eh, what’s a few minutes.

guess what? we’re home! ethan was discharged last night after a pretty mild day. upon hearing of his release, he puked all over the nurse and laughed. all three kiddos are still ill but hopefully on the up swing (as opposed to the down stroke. like parliment’s “get up on the down stroke, everybody get up.”) my mom took me to target today. sweet, sweet target and its healing powers even with the asshole moo-cow shoppers who talk on their cell phones and block the nice lady with a baby and a cast in a wheelchair through the too-narrow aisles. fucking holiday shoppers.

Last Wednesday, when Ethan and I were brought to the emergency room in an ambulance, Iasked the nice EMS guy if he hates the holidays because there are more drunk driving accidents and he told me, “No, I really don’t like the holidays because of the asshole drivers. For the next month, the roads will be brutal and folks will be rude, even to ambulances. Once, we had to pick up an unconsicous shopper at Sears and shoppers wouldn’t even get out of the way for the stretcher because of the early bird special lines. Another reason this job is hard this time of year is the suicides. Lots of people don’t do well this time of year- the widowed, the divorced, the lonely. Many try to kill themselves in December.” So there you go, an ambulance driver’s perspective on the holidays. Something to remember if you know someone extra lonely this year.

The babies are no longer tolerating my five minutes of not holding, feeding or soothing them so I have to sign off but in case my sister reads this- Happy Birthday Katie! w00t!

we are still here at the hospital but we may be getting out later depending on if ethan can keep his food inside his body. damn i want a shower.