I had a mood ring on my toolbar. I think it was a google toolbar toy but since I started using Firefox instead of IE (because IE? you suck. your rude habits of freezing up and asking me if i want to report the problem? no! why does microsoft benefit from my errant testing? i will not be your unpaid tester!) my mood ring went away and my toolbars are wonkier than Paris Hilton’s eye.

The mood ring was usually two different colors- gray for irritable or nervous and blue for calm and romantic. There were no other choices- as if a person is either nervous or sexy and nothing in between. Today, my mood would have been gray for nervous because it seems to be that kind of day. Nothing is really wrong (well, except the car. oy. mike’s car. the broken, broken car with 154,000 miles on it. the car that can’t pass a safety inspection without more work than it is worth. by a lot.) but it is cold and people are antsy. Cabin fever is setting in- we all need some warmth on our skin. Tomorrow, February. The month of love, black history and that damned groundhog. February is close to March and March is full fledged spring with the daffodils and the greening. The warm is coming and the mood ring would be blue again.

This chick is the worst bridezilla I’ve ever seen (the clip doesn’t get good until about two minutes in so be patient). Some have implied it is fake but I don’t think so- I think she dropped her basket for real. If I was one of her bridesmaid’s I would have:

1) Slipped her a mickey ala 16 Candles. A few muscle relaxers woulda calmed her down.
2) Slapped her across the face
3) Quit
4) Shaved her head

I have questions that I need answer to. Did she end up getting married? Is she divorced yet? Is she in a mental hospital? What are the odds she’s still talking to the bridesmaid (think it is her sister) who taped and leaked this to the internet?

Ahhh the internet, exposing assholes without their permission everyday. Have you ever seen this classic? Do you see me being serious?

And Oh! Oh! NBC put it back! And this! And this!

I spent the weekend in the hospital and frankly, it sucked. They stuck me with needles, put an IV in my freakin‘ foot and I couldn’t stop coughing. The doctor said I had pneumonia again and had to stay for the weekend. I got to watch some killer Elmo Videos and play with some new toys so at least there was that. Elmo rocks. I’m back home antagonizing the brothers and still feeling a little under the weather but that just means I have them all wrapped around my little finger even more than usual. Yep, I’m gonna kick back and watch some Dora now.

Love,
Lily

P.S. Don’t you love my hood? It is very LL Cool J ‘Momma Said Knock You Out’ without the deodorant clumps.

I mentioned recently that I cannot watch American Idol this season but neglected to explain why I don’t want to see it. The reason I don’t want to watch American Idol right now is because I feel completely humiliated for these contestants- it is embarassing! I gave in and watched last week’s TIVO’d auditions tonight and spent half of the time with my head in my hands peeking through my fingers. Call me overly empathetic but I feel terrible for these people who think they are such good singers and are truly shocked when Simon calls them out. Between the bush baby guy, the American Idol #1 fan who was shocked to be rejected “because she has a degree in vocalization”, the devil stick tossing cusser and hard rocker who cried when kicked out- I feel like I’m going to die here. I will keep watching though because hell, I’m a rubber-necker.

I love to sing but have a hard time singing in front of anyone except my kids. Before I turned 9, I belted out tunes for anyone in ear shot but as I got older, I became shy. I sang in choir all through high school but often lip synched to avoid singing and messing up. I can’t even watch others mess up without blushing so I don’t think I’ll be attending the AI Auditions next time they come by St. Louis.
If someone knows a cure for this phobia, besides tequila, let me know.

*P.S. Why have I heard three different Meatloaf songs in different situations today? Meatloaf, why are you stalking me? What does it MEAN? Did you know Meatloaf’s real name was Marvin Lee but he got it legally changed to Meatloaf?

It is rare to catch all three of them smiling- no scratch that, I can also catch them smiling but they usually stop when they see the camera. Here is Jack, Ethan and Lily after eating breakfast in a rare moment where I got them to smile for the camera by acting like a monkey. I have a killer monkey call. I scanned the photos below the triplets today and was trying to figure out if the kiddos look like me. What do you think?

me helping with the laundry

9 month old me stylin’ at the pool

We bought the VCR/DVD Combo that lives in our living room after the VCR C. used to watch his videos died and he had a panic attack. VHS tapes last much longer than DVD’s around children, or at least my children, because THEY DON’T GET SCRATCHED. There is nothing more irritating that buying the deluxe version of a favorite kids’ DVD and finding it scratched a week later because the over eager kid took it out of the DVD player by dragging it along the tray. I believe this is a conspiracy by the movie studios because they could produce DVD’s the same way Playstation Portable games are manufactured- with clear plastic cases that hinders scratching. But if they did this, suckers like me would buy fewer DVD’s because of course you will replace it- it keeps the kid quiet for at least 30 minutes!

When his VCR broke, I headed to the Wal-marts for a new one. I discovered that VCR’s now cost more than a DVD player or a combo DVD/VCR player. I was resistant to the combo because more features tends to create more problems because more technology means more things to break but it was cheap! The combo had no problems for two years until last week when it started blinking, clicking and gasping death rattles. I unplugged it, turned it upside down and gave it a vigorous shake.

One by one, the following things came out of the VCR slot:

• Three ink pens
• A Family Guy pencil ($1 bin at Tarjaay!)
• Four toddler cheese crackers
• A Saltine
• A String Cheese Wrapper
• An Oxygen Key (used to open an oxygen tank)
• A marcasite bracelet purchased for Dizzawn’s wedding that always scratches my wrist
• A cub scout patch
• A boot and the kitchen sink. Okay, not these last two but jeeeesh wouldn’t have surprised me

We suspect Lily is the VCR hoarder because she has been extraordinarily interested in it lately and I’ve found her crying in front of the VCR with her thumb stuck in the VCR door more than once (How can you stick your thumb in the little door and get it stuck when it flaps down? It weighs practically nothing! Push it in with your other hand! C’mon baby- hurry up with that logical development!).

I guess it is karma because I used to insert pennies into the slots of my parents’ t.v. when I was a kid and my siblings and I have been accused of sticking popsicles in the brand new, then $500 top entry VCR.

“Not only should you babysit your friend’s twins, you should do it without charging them a dime. Just think how six hours a week with twins will help you save the money that you would otherwise spend on horror movies, skydiving, bungee jumping, driving in Boston, heroin, roller coasters, or any of the other methods that more mundane people use to get a rush.”

and in the end, i went over to zoot because she’s nice enough to post free blogger templates. and all was good. carissa was nice enough to make me a new masthead but everytime i’d get it fixed to where i wanted it, i would wipe out one small thing that fucked up the whole page, accidently hit save and damn it all to hell screwed it up. i like this one. thanks for the feedback and i added a “me” section in case you are looking for some autobiographical information. if you have a specific question, why not email me and maybe i’ll answer it.

now do i write a real post about something? how about just bullet points

• today, i met a woman who toured around following a certain american idol contestant. she took pictures of her road trips and made them into an extra die-cut-errific scrapbooks. i’m not saying this is bad, i was just like whoa. i know people that toured after the dead, those that followed phish and led zepplin (they are here! they’re here! led zepplin is here! name that movie) but i had no idea about clay.

• the muscle that goes around the shoulder blade? my left one has been spasming for a day and a half. i have no idea why except the combined weight of the babies is sixty pounds and they have been clingy.
• the kidnapper everyone is talking about worked at the same pizza chain mike worked for (not the same location and he never met him) and professes his love for final fantasy online- the game that my husband loves to play. creepy. everyone has been talking about the details, the intricacies of the case- it has become like discussing the weather. last night, someone said the story was like” I think my first name is Steven”, a made for television movie about a kidnapped child who was found and returned years later starring Stephen Dorff. I told her the name of the movie was “I KNOW my first name is Steven” and she argued “No, he went to the police and said I THINK my name is Steven and I remember.” I turned to my laptop and looked it up on IMDB. I was so freakin’ right. I turned the screen to show her that I was correct. Nyah Nyah Nyah NYAH!
• anna nicole smith’s baby must belong to father trying to get the paternity test because why else would she be running away and refusing to take the test? i would call her retarded but that would be offensive to the mentally handicapped.
• I’ve lost weight on the south beach diet. I don’t know how much because I don’t have a scale but my clothes are bigger. I am currently in Phase 2 where I eat some carbs but avoid heavily processed foods and white flour, sugar. I still crave some foods (like dry cereal) but I’m doing well.
• I can’t watch American Idol this season. I give up.

Apologies if this is hard to read. I’m still monkeying around with the %@(# template. anyone have anything they’d like to see or see changed?