i’ve been a bit remiss in posting. busy busy around here. yesterday, we went to the zoo and “awwwwwwed” lots of baby animals. the st louis zoo really is an awesome place as far as zoos go. hope you are having an extraordinary weekend!

The triplets turn three today. THREE YEARS OLD. Insane. This has been the fastest and slowest three years of my life and I’m in awe. Today, we’re going to take a trip back through the archives. When I changed formats last year, I didn’t re-post all of my archives (I’ve been at this blahg thing for four years this month) so I’ll highlight some of the entries from the end of my triplet pregnancy and their birth. Remember, we were shocked to find out we were having triplets- we don’t have a history of twins in our families and expected only one more kid. I have a ton of respect for families who have faced fertility issues and conceived their multiples after undergoing treatments but this was not what happened to us- it was just SURPRISE! 2, 3 and 4 are on the way!

August, 2005

“there is a little matter of the doctor further restricting my activity. yesterday was a marathon of doctor’s appointments and ultrasounds and at the end, i was told to become even more slug-like. i’m not allowed to stand for more than a few minutes and can’t walk very far or do any slightly-strenuous activities. during the ultrasound, they saw a few changes that could indicate my body wants to go into labor but then again- maybe not. i saw one of our boys kicking the hell out of my insides and it looked like a foot may soon be hanging out from between my legs. now that would be freaky. these kids are moving and kicking like crazy and i hope my body can withstand it and hold them in for the next ten weeks.

we also went to a “preparing for multiples” class last night where the teacher told us to write down everyone’s name that says they will help after the babies are born. plus, we’re supposed to solicit people to bring us food afterwards or we’ll never eat real food again. i’ve already started asking gas station attendants and grocery checkers but so far, they haven’t been that receptive. maybe i should start with people i know… ”

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“another day, another vaginal probe. ultrasound that is. you haven’t lived until you lay in the stirrups while another woman lubes up a condom covered dildo cam and asks if you want to insert it or if she should- in front of your mom. i’ve done this so often now that it doesn’t even seem weird to say “no, go ahead, you can do it, i don’t know if i can reach”.

i had yet another appointment today at the perinatal center. every time i go, i have to wait in the claustrophobic waiting room for 60-90 minutes for a fifteen minute appointment. the waiting room has an interesting combination of smells that seem to include flatulence, curry and coffee. the last two times i’ve been there, i’ve had to escape to the hallway and attempt to hold back the waves of nausea.

during today’s ultrasound, there were two technicians present and they were constantly muttering to each other and i heard “was it like that last time?” so i figured something was up. my doctor came in and said my cervix is continuing to change. this made me sing “ch-ch-ch-ch changes” by david bowie in my head while he continued talking about continued, stricter bed rest and home monitoring. apparently, i get to wear a belt around my stomach that measures any contractions and sends the results to a nurse via the phone line. my belly gets to send faxes- wow, i’m so high tech.

so, that’s the status. i must continue laying down or sitting because these highly active, kicking babies aren’t old enough to come out. hard to believe that, with so much movement and kicking, they aren’t healthy enough to live on their own but i know it is true. we need to hold out for ten more weeks so i will be sitting and laying and sometimes eating ice cream with the occasional break for probing”

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“if you ask mike how his day was today he would say “great. autocad (work) and uteruses”. we had preparing for multiples class (dawn you are right, it does sound like a math class) where we listened to uterus talk for two hours. oh, and we got to watch a video of a c-section in all its bloody glory. did you know they use a stapler at the end to close the incision? i wonder if it is a surgical swingline. we learned that a human woman can really only handle 12 pounds of baby or babies in any combination and that once you have multiples, you are more likely to have multiples. that seals the deal, no more babies for us. i’d like to get my tubes tied but WAIT! i have to deliver at a catholic hospital. it is the only one with a state-of-the-art neonatal intensive care unit that isn’t way down in the city and it happens to have strict rules about things like birth control. so, even if you have three babies at once and beg the doctor to tie off the damn tubes, he can’t. if i happen to get pregnant again, i’m billing the pope. sorry that all i can talk about lately is babies but they are pretty much taking up my entire existence and have highjacked my body. i could think of something else to say but i can’t drive, can’t walk around, can’t shop, can’t interact much and so i don’t have much material.”

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(Posted by friend Todd)

“Kim is in the hospital. Word has it she went into labor early wednesday afternoon, and had to be rushed to the hospital. Pumped full of needles and drugs, the contractions stopped. I received the initial word at 5pm on friday, luckily running late for work. She was doing fine, and there were no babies yet. (Not on the outside.) Here are some numbers for ya:

No. of babies, 3

No of weeks, 25ish

No. of weeks until safe to um, do the thing, 28

That’s right, kids. 3 weeks of permanent bedrest at the very least.”

==

“yo, this is actually kim. through a combination of help from my bro-in-law, my dad, an AOL disc and a rediscovery of dial-up (which i haven’t used since 2002), i am online from the hospital.

as you heard, life got a little crazy last week. monday, i was feeling strong, confident and healthy. tuesday, i started feeling a little worn down and crappy during the day and mike sent me to bed as soon as he got home from work. later that night, i woke up in pain and hooked myself up to the home contraction monitor. you see, i don’t always know when i’m having contractions and labor isn’t always as obvious as one would think. when i called in the data from an hour of monitoring, the rather bitchy nurse told me that i was having contractions but to drink 24 ounces of water, eat something with protein and monitor again in 30 minutes. i did this, re-connected myself to the monitor and promptly projectile vomited all over the bathroom. it looked like a horror show. i woke mike up and cried that i had puked all over but couldn’t clean it up and told him i was in pain and guessed i should go to the hospital.

the stupid nurse called back and confirmed i was having contractions. actually, what she said was “well, you marked that you had 16 contractions.” i had to pull it out of her with questions like “well, how many did i have? and so, do you WANT me to go to the hospital?” dumb bitch. mike had already cleared the car, my mom was on the way to get our son (who promptly announced he “was not cool” with being woken up at 3 AM and leaving) and i was panicked, doubled over in pain and crying.

on the way to the hospital, our lives seemed like a sitcom as i tried to breathe and whined “ow, ow, ooooowwwww” while squeezing the hell out of mike’s hand as we headed to the emergency room. when we got there, i demanded to go upstairs to labor and delivery and didn’t want to screw around with being evaluated downstairs since my contractions were strong and coming every 2-4 minutes. they got me upstairs to a hotel-suite looking labor room staffed with two doctors, three nurses, a tech, mike and my mom (who dropped the kid off with dad and came up). at least two doctors and a nurse stuck their hands up in me, took blood, inserted IV’s, gave me a shot, inserted a catheter (OW), ultrasounded the babies and checked my vitals. mike said it was one of the most surreal experiences, watching all these gloved hands stuck up his wife’s vagina as he watched with my mom. i’ve been through this before so i knew all modesty flew out the window and at that point, i just wanted them to stop the babies from coming out.

soon, it got even scarier as the doctors told me they were fearful that i had an infection in my uterus and if that was the case, they would have to deliver the babies by c-section right away. at 24 weeks gestation with only a 25% survival rate. then, they were afraid one of the babies’ waters had broke but it turned out only to be the massive amount of KY jelly they used to examine me. in the end, they decided i had a bladder or kidney infection that was treated with antibiotics and were able to keep me from having the babies.

that was almost five days ago and since then, i’ve been put on various medicines to stave off contractions and fight the side effects of the meds. i’m on a type of speed that makes my heart race but stops the contractions- very odd- and ambien to help me sleep. i am being given a heart medicine to calm my angry uterus and meds to keep the acid out of my esophagus. i have ultrasounds daily and so far the babies have been extraoridinarily strong and healthy- i just need to keep them in for 3-5 more weeks or longer and that means staying here in a hospital bed being a human incubator.”

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“Just a quick update- at 4:58, 4:59 and 5:00 AM on August 19th, our babies were born via emergency c-section. Our girl, Lily, weighed 1 lb, 6 ozs. and the boys, Jack and Ethan, each weighed 1 lb, 10 ozs. They are itty-bitty and in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for preemie care. I have been in excruiating pain for 2 days and just starting to feel better. Apparently, one of the main pain meds. they use (the kind with a button for self-medication) didn’t freakin’ work on me. Yeah, that was fun. I am still in the hospital for a few days where I will be milking my udders and visiting the wee ones. They are so tiny and require constant monitoring and intervention- it really is quite scary but we hope for the best. We’ve been told that for 25 week gestation babies, they are doing quite well and are strong for now. We only wish, pray and say repeatedly that we hope they continue doing well. It turns out I did have an intra-uteruen infection and our daughter’s placenta was also infected. She is the sickest and smallest but we have high hopes for her.”

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“I left the hospital today. We are all staying at my parents’ house for a little while because my house has stairs and I can’t “take the steps” for 1-2 weeks. So this is more like a halfway home that happens to have a big screen t.v. and better food than the hospital.

My oldest son starts kindergarten tomorrow and he is incredibly excited that I’m home in time to walk him to his classroom. He is nervous but I think his stress level has plummeted now that he has his family together again. On the ride home from the hospital, he couldn’t stop talking to me and would say things like “Kinda, Mom, why do cars have motors?”.

He was also interested in what the breast pump was for and how it worked. Mike and I had a discussion with him on the purpose of human breasts and discussed how mammals feed their young. We stopped short of letting him watch and explained boys don’t usually see boobs until they are much older to which he responded “Like when you’re ten?”. We told him he may see me nurse the babies but didn’t need to see me pump. He checked in with me every five minutes while I pumped to ask if I was done yet and requested to see the bottled milk when I was done. He was impressed and I’m wondering if this won’t be his topic of discussion for kindergarten tomorrow!

It wasn’t nearly as hard to leave the triplets as it was to leave my oldest when he was a preemie in the NICU almost six years ago. Maybe it is because I always knew it was coming, maybe because they are so very little that I knew on every level they are exactly where they need to be. They probably won’t be home for 3-4 months and I’ll be visiting daily. During today’s visit, I got to hold Ethan for 45 minutes and it was blissful. I held him on my chest, covered in blankets and let him listen to my voice and heartbeat and brought a little familiarity to his young life. He mewed like a kitten every once in a while but other than that, seemed very comfortable with me. I can’t wait to hold the other two babies and I already miss them so much that it aches.

Signing off for the night, I am completely worn out and sore.”

==

That was three years ago.  The triplets stayed in the NICU for 2 1/2 (Ethan), 3 (Jack), and 6 (Lily) months but are now firmly rooted in our chaotic home. We can’t imagine life without them. My oldest just started third grade and is about to turn nine years old. Mike and I have somehow made it through hospitalizations, infections, surgeries, teething, 8.3 billion diapers, bottles, baby food and the terrible two’s.  I wouldn’t change it for the world.

For three brief hours this morning, I could do whatever I wanted because all four children were in school. Actually, it was more like 2 hours because I spent one hour briefing Lily’s teachers and aides on what to do if her trach comes out and how to do her trach care but still! Free time!

This week has been completely manic and I have felt like it was my first day of school since my stomach has been full of butterfiles (knew I shouldn’t have eaten those cocoons). I have been waking up in the middle of the night to make sure I haven’t slept and fitfully dream I forgot some vital school supply for one of my precious snowflakes. We oriented, wrote names on every single item that is going to school(s), filled out 8.3 billion forms and coordinated pick up and drop off’s for the kids. I am very glad I didn’t have the triplets as my first children and have experience in  starting pre-school and elementary school with my older son because it marginally helped our preparation.

Back to school is exhausting, expensive and emotional. I did okay when I dropped the triplets off at pre-school today but watching my suddenly huge almost 9 year old waiting for the bus made me cry. When did he get so big? That one question leads me into an exestential crisis loop of  “Soon he’ll be going away to college! I’m old! I’m gonna die and everyone else I love is going to be old and dying and where does the time go?! WAH!”. My husband pats my head while I cry about everyone growing up and then offers me chocolate because it keeps the dementors away- good man.

I have decided parenting a kid going back to school is harder than actually going back to school. Good luck to all of you starting on new educational adventures this year!

the summer! it is slip sliding away (you know the nearer your destination, the more you’re slip sliding away). my eldest starts third grade next monday and the triplets begin “young three’s” pre-school the following day which happens to be their third birthday. has it only/already been three years since i became the mother of triplets? three is a magic number so shouldn’t we be throwing a big “the three turn three” birthday party? well, we’re not.

last spring, i reserved a local park pavilion for the triplet’s 3rd birthday party. it was early spring which must have resulted in weather related amnesia causing me to forget august in st. louis is humid, hot and filled with hair buzzing cicadas. i considered moving the party to our house but the carpets were dirty and the kids have too many toys so it all seemed like too much work.

three year olds are head strong creatures with the dependence of babies and attitude of teenagers. it is all i can do to keep them from injuring themselves and each other so inviting other kids into the mix and feeding them sugar seemed like a bad idea. plus, they are only going to be three! they won’t remember, right? next year, we’ll celebrate four years old with new pre-school friends, sugar and goody bags but this year we are hanging out with the family while i whine about how hard being pregnant with triplets was and how my stomach will never be the same. but that is all next week. this week, we need hair cuts, park time and hopefully another afternoon at the pool. the dog days of summer trudge on…

me, as an avatar, with a gnome and yoda.

this weekend is the tax free holiday here in missourah (not on groceries though! no, we’re one of the only states left that taxes food. can’t they just tax chips and soda and leave bread and milk tax free? greedy bastards!) and i’ve just returned from a mini shopping marathon with my almost nine year old son. staplers are on sale for back to school so i picked up an extra one. the next time i feel like shopping with him, i’ll staple my forehead instead because it will be less painful. almost nine year olds don’t understand that underwear, socks, shoes, backpacks and cool pencil boxes cost money. i believe he’d rather go to school naked than watch me divert funds away from playstation games and towards clothing him. doesn’t he understand i’m just trying to prevent the humiliation of going to school with too short pants and holey socks?

we don’t have a lot of money but we manage to pay our bills and mostly keep the checking account positive. i do almost all of the shopping and try to catch sales but four kids are expensive. i’m desperately trying to potty train the triplets so i can stop paying so much money for diapers and wipes but they aren’t getting on board. i even showed them the receipts for how much diapers costs but then i remembered they can’t read (except for the word HI which they are quite good at reading).

the current economic recession has hurt our budget. i bought a gallon of 2% milk today for $4.50 and yes, i did shout “daaaaamn” when i saw the price. i could have walked out of the store and driven to the cheaper grocer down the street but gas is also very high right now and my opportunities to shop without toddlers are few and far between. my oldest walked along side me begging for $5 boxes of cereal and $4 cartons of sugar-laced yogurt. he asked me to make tacos tonight and i showed him that two pounds of ground beef cost $13 (i don’t buy the cheapest beef because it really is a waste when all the fat goes in the trash). i wish i could buy organic for my family but that would add hundreds to our monthly bill so we buy local or organic when we can and pray the chemicals in our food won’t cause too many mutations.

it is the hottest point of the summer and electric bills from using our air conditioner and lily’s medical equipment continue to climb. everytime i fill up the baby pool for the kids, i wonder how much it is effecting my water bill. we have our luxuries in high speed internet, cell phones and satellite television but i wonder if it is a matter of time before those have to go. the satellite and phones will go before the internet which they will have to unplug from my cold,dead hands. we don’t go out very often so our entertainment budget is almost nil. the only vacation we have taken in years was when i took the kids to florida last year to watch my sister get married. she has a nine month old baby and one on the way and i can’t afford to visit her.

at one time, i was a single mom raising my son on one income and i struggled to pay daycare every week. fortunately, i don’t have that bill now or i don’t know how we would get by. today, i saw frantic looking parents rushing into stores to get school supplies tax free before they flew off the shelves. many of them looked like they had left work early and just picked their sons and daughters up from the sitter.  maybe i’m late to notice but people are beginning to look increasingly desperate. i don’t know if we are suffering through a recession or a depression but i am searching for something to change. before long, i will go back to work but i don’t know where or what i will do. i fear the types of corporate marketing jobs i had before would be hard for me to find again (plus, i don’t know if i want to do it anymore). i don’t know if we can afford me going back to school to finish my certification like i was doing when i got pregnant with the triplets. i also don’t know if i can make enough money in education to make it worth our while. the political campaigning for change is beginning to sound cliche but it is needed. as a parent, i fear what my kids are inheriting and wonder what will be left when they take over. i hope we will look back on this period with the optimism that is possible once it is history and resolved.  until  then, i will take advantage of every gimmick and sale to pull us through while hoping for a real change.