there was a time when i cared very much about the clothes i wore and how i looked. i used to keep my fingernails polished at all times, blew my hair dry with a round brush every morning to keep my fine locks from flipping at the ends (a look which someone has since told me was very “bell shaped”) and kept my lips covered in dark wine lip gloss. then i went to college. at that end of the spectrum, i wore little make up and built up a nice collection of thrift store cardigans and corduroys.
when i entered the workplace, i combined the two by wearing natural-ish makeup with lots of ann taylor mixed with target clothes. for the first time in my life, i developed quite a shoe collection and seasonal wear. most of those clothes are too small for me to wear now. i’m not that much bigger than i was ten years and four kids ago which makes it even more annoying that my “nice” clothes are only a size or two too small. my hips and ribs seem to have permanently expanded with pregnancy not to mention the more squishy areas.
after the triplets were born, i remember sitting in the hospital NICU sighing to a nurse that i had no idea what i was supposed to be wearing at that point because nothing fit- not maternity clothes, not my pre-pregnancy fat clothes, certainly not my “skinnier” clothes. i felt like wearing a mu-mu and calling it a day. the kind nurse told me most of the new moms she saw wore yoga pants and maternity shirts for a few weeks post-partum. it makes sense now but at the time, i was greatly relieved that someone had told me what the hell to wear.
now, three years later, i need someone to tell me what to wear again. does tim gunn make house calls? can stacy and clinton come over and throw away most of my clothes and send me shopping with a free, loaded visa card but not make me stand in front of the three way mirror on national t.v.?
my dresser drawers are crammed with stupid t-shirts. don’t get me wrong, i love my stupid t-shirts and would cry if i had to toss them out. i may never wear that 1994 Lollapalooza shirt but i’m not going to throw it out. most of my bras are too small and i keep underwear that i haven’t worn in years. my pants and shorts range in size and many of them don’t fit. i am built like an orange on toothpicks. all the weight i gain goes to my chest and stomach (more hips as i’ve gotten older) so i have a difficult time with pants. often, when they fit my stomach, they fall off my flat ass and no one wants to see my coin slot. i also have long legs so i struggle to find pants that are long enough without being so long that i walk on them. many times, the jeans that fit my legs and hips are too tight across my stomach or bunch in the crotch which is a terrible look for anyone. this worsened after the triplet pregnancy and subsquent c-section that forever changed mah belly. when the reality shows come to give me my new wardrobe, they should throw in a free tummy-tuck and some lipo. that’d be great.
when i have to get dressed up, i wear one of four dresses hanging in my closet. i also have a few pairs of black and khaki pants of questionable comfort. most days, i wear jeans and a stupid t-shirt during the day and pajama bottoms, a stupid t-shirt and a cardigan or hoodie at night. currently, i’m wearing brown velour yoga pants, an orange and black jack-o-lantern t-shirt and a guinness hoodie with mismatched christmas socks. hawt.
my questions are; how do i improve my pathetic wardrobe on very little money? how do i find pants that fit my mutant body without a tailor? should i even worry about it since i don’t work outside my home and only think about what i’m wearing when i run into other, much more put together, moms when dropping the triplets off at pre-school? what stores do you rely on and what basics do you use to pull your look together? and finally, should i toss those 15 year old concert t-shirts?
