Valentine’s Day weekend was nice in a “we never had a babysitter so didn’t go out by ourselves” way. My grandparents-in-law came down to visit which turned out great because grandpa turned 84 on Valentine’s Day and we got to celebrate with him. He loves our kids so much and is so visibly happy to be around them that it makes us happy. I hope I’m as happy and healthy as they are in my 80′s and my grandchildren want me around as much. We are fortunate to have multi-generational family closely involved in our lives and I think it is important for the kids to connect with grandparents and great-grandparents on a regular basis. After grandma and grandpa left, we spent Sunday driving around with the kids, riding on the ferry to Illinois and back (it wasn’t as much of a hit with the triplets as I’d hoped but it was really cold). We’ve discovered the kids love to ride around in the van with us as much as they like the destination- probably because we’re all in one small place which doesn’t happen often. Sometime between us returning from our Sunday drive and bedtime, the triplets broke into the fridge and ate my three remaining Godiva dark chocolate covered strawberries that Mike bought me for Valentines’ day. He splurges on them once a year and the little buggers ate half of them! We really couldn’t be mad at them because who wouldn’t want to eat them? When they get older, they will make it up to me. Or else!

Now that I’ve updated you on our shiny, happy weekend; here is a list of things that bug me (copied from schmutzie) because sometimes it is easier to  think of things to complain about than anything else.

- drinking plain, white milk. i won’t do it. i can drink chocolate milk and lattes with steamed milk but regular milk makes me gag. blech.

- people who try to force their religion or politics on me

- Bud Light

- traffic light cameras (we just had to pay a $100 traffic light camera ticket my husband got on christmas eve. ain’ that some bullshit? if a cop had stopped us, i bet he wouldn’t have given us a ticket since it was christmas eve and a victimless crime but the robotic camera has NO SOUL)

- littering (especially in the front of our subdivision where I have seen entire bags of taco bell presumably thrown out someone’s car window onto our nicely landscaped sign area. i often stop to pick it up and have taught my oldest to pick up litter and look down on littering).

- people who take forever at atm’s or drive thru’s

- paula abdul

- when i hold the door open for someone and they don’t acknowledge it

- potty training

- guilt trips

- Lazy Town; Creepiest Kid’s show ever.

- misplacing things i need which i do on a daily basis. i am forgetful/too busy/disorganized. i can’t find my splint that i need when i sleep (because i grind my teeth) so i’ve been waking up with headaches. i had another, fancy one i got last year but i lost that one too.

- feeling left out

- half spoiled salad makings often found in fast food salads. lettuce past its prime has a slimy feel and off odor and mealy, old tomatoes are disgusting.

- this one checker at my local grocery store who never says hello, goodbye or smiles when she checks me out. she seems very unhappy.

- poopy pull-ups. did i mention i hate potty training?

- my husband’s habit of putting cigarette butts in his back pockets. as i mentioned, i hate littering and throwing cigarette butts in someone’s yard is just rude and nasty. i’m glad he doesn’t do this but what he does instead is knock out the cherry and deposit the butts in his pocket but he never empties them. by the time i do the laundry, i have to empty out tons of cigarette butts and if i forget, our laundry gets sprinkled with tobacco and brown cotton filters. you know what? i hate cigarettes period. i hate their addictive qualities, cigarette breathe and the cost of them. i hate that i still want one when i drink a beer. i wish they didn’t exist. i also wish st. louis would pass smoke free bars and restaurant laws.

-  gristly meat. never good.

- traffic

- putting laundry away. worst household task ever.

- feeling guilty for not writing

-  worrying about money

- blue cheese

ok, there is my list of things that bug me. what bugs you?

The little boy’s bus driver told me I should write this stuff down. What an idea. So here goes.

Last week, Mike and I locked the kids out of our room for a moment. We have to do this if we want them to stay out for more than 10 seconds because Ethan (McGruber) can easily open door knobs. Luckily, Jack and Lily haven’t mastered this skill yet but I’m sure it is coming. In the few moment they were locked out of our room, Ethan locked himself in the bathroom. As I attempted to open the door, I realized the water was running in the bathroom sink and panic set in. I fumbled and tapped on the doorframes looking for the key to unlock the door but it was, of course, missing. I yelled to Mike and ran to the kitchen to get a screwdriver (what, you don’t keep your screwdrivers in the kitchen?)

Mike was trying to cajole Ethan into opening the door (E totally could have if he had wanted to) to no avail. I popped the lock open, and found Ethan standing at the sink washing his hands with the bathroom surprisingly dry and unscathed. Then I noticed the toilet water was blue and remembered I had not put anything blue in the bowl. The next second, I noticed two toothbrushes floating in the toilet and realized where the blue came from- kid’s Colgate toothpaste. I grabbed the toothbrushes out of thankfully human waste free toilet water and moved on.

Later, someone used the toilet and discovered it wouldn’t flush. We told someone not to use the toilet until we figured out was wrong. Someone used the toilet anyway (hint: only three people that live in our home are fully potty trained and it wasn’t Mike or I who disregarded the no pooping in the clogged toilet ban). Mike plungered (yes, i know, it is supposed to be plunged but I like saying plungered) the hell out of the toilet and pulled out two tubes of toothpaste and we thought we were in the clear.

Three days later, the toilet backed up again and no amount of plungering was removing whatever was blocking the waste water’s path. Mike and I had a pointless debate about whether or not to fix the toilet. Somehow in his man head, Mike decided the triplets would just shove something else down the loo so there was no point in fixing it. I pointed out we could absolutely not leave the toilet in its clogged state and fought the temptation to give him a swirlie in our other, working toilet. In the end, my Dad helped me pull up the toilet because Mike had to go to work and the poo had to go.

As my Dad pulled on the toilet, I sighed and rolled my eyes in disgust like a teenager while he told me to remember what the plumber said, “It smells like money to me.” He had the toilet up and the obstruction removed in 9 minutes (he was the father of four children who flushed many, many things down the toilet). It was….. another tube of blue kid’s toothpaste, folded in half and barely obstructing the pipe. I don’t know how we managed to use the toilet for an additional week with a third tube of toothpaste in the toilet but I was slightly impressed.

After lunch, my Dad went home and I laid the boys down for a nap. By “laid down”, I mean I locked them in their room (Their door knob is on backwards so they can’t escape and destroy themselves and the house when we are asleep. I have discussed this with other parents, teachers and pediatricians and we agree they are safer that way) and told them to go to sleep.  In my harried state, I forgot to remove Jack’s glasses before nap time. The kids fell asleep, the toilet was flushing and all was well with the world for a few moments.

When Jack woke up, I realized his glasses were missing. I searched his room and finally found his glasses but they were missing the rubberized “comfort temples” that wrap around his ears and keep his glasses in place. Without them, the temples were too short to reach his ears and basically useless. I searched his room but never found the temples. Later, when Mike came home from work and I told him the story of the toilet toothpaste, he headed for the boys’ room to look for Jack’s glasses’ temples. A few minutes later I heard him laugh while he called me into their room. The glasses’ temples? The boys had pried them off the glasses, straightened the wires and tried to use them as lock picks to break out of their room. They had witnessed me using a screwdriver to unlock the bathroom door and decided to unlock their bedroom door instead of napping. They didn’t have a screwdriver so they used the tools they had on hand- Jack’s wire glasses’ temples. Needless to say, it didn’t work.

I took his glasses to the optician today but they weren’t able to fix one of the now broken hinges so I will be returning in a few days to pick up his newly repaired pair. I told her how the glasses were broken and I could hear her laughing as I walked down the hall. Unbelievable yet in my house? Fairly normal.

Scene: I’m in my bathroom with Lily who is sitting on a Dora the Explorer potty chair trying to pee. The phone rings, it is my oldest son’s best friend and classmate’s Mom asking about a rogue homework assignment

T: “Do you know anything about a Black History Month assignment?”

Me: “Um, no, I didn’t see anything about one. Hold on”

I lean out the bathroom door and ask my son (who is outside in my bedroom playing Wii). “Hey, do you have a Black History Month homeworkd assignment?”

Oldest: “No. We had a diagram we made during class on Miranda Rights but it wasn’t homework”

Me, back on the phone: “He says they had something on Miranda Rights during class but it isn’t a project.”

T: “Miranda Rights?”

Me, at oldest: “Miranda Rights?”

Oldest: “MERENDA Rights, not Miranda- that’s a girl’s name”

Me, back on the phone: “He says Miranda Rights and (louder towards son) it is Miranda not Merenda. I don’t think I know what Miranda Rights were in third grade.”

T (laughing hysterically): “Wait, it is on CONDEELEZZA RICE”

Me, to oldest: “Condeelezza Rice?”

Oldest, slapping his head: “Oh yeah, Condeeleza Rice, not Miranda Rights.”

Me: Rigggght. So you are finished with it. Okay.  Lily! Stop unwrapping the tampons! Ok, call you back later.

i’ve been on writing lockdown. it has been a long week (weeks?). the kids have been sick, i’ve been sick, it was snowing, we watched lots of cartoons. that about sums it up. i blurt out what i’m thinking on twitter or facebook and can’t remember what i wanted to say here. sorry.