I seem to have running themes here on the ol’ blog, namely talking about parenting and bitching about electronic devices that won’t work. I need to combine those topics and make a catchy tagline! Kimblahg: Fighting Kids and Technology since 2004! ‘Eh, maybe not. I also seem to put off posting for two weeks then finally post in rapid succession because I feel so good about posting the first time, I need to post again. I’m sure there’s a lesson about procrastination and recognition in there.

So, last time we discussed my technological de-evolution, my laptop was missing keys and running woefully slow. I found out my hard drive was partially broken (bad sectors, blah x 3) which was causing most of my problems. The hard drive issue was even responsible for my printer pretending to print but not laying ink on paper which I wish I would have known before getting a new one. When I dropped my laptop off at the local computer repair place, the tech tried to convince me to abandon this machine and buy a new, “refurbed” one because he said this HP is notorious for hard drive problems. I took what he said with a grain of salt since he seemed to be working on commission and google didn’t notably agree with him.

In the end, I have a new hard drive, keyboard, an upgraded OS (to Windows 7 which I like much better than Vista) and more RAM. My laptop is now running better than it ever has before and I can print. I forgot how useful it was to have a fully functioning computer. Oh no, I just jinxed it all by saying it was working well. I take it back. It all sucks- now go away, karmic boomerang.

Around the same time my laptop was expensively repaired, my stupid Blackberry stopped working again. The charging port where it plugged in to be charged became loose and pushed into the phone. When I took it to the store, they told me it was physical abuse and I would have to pay another $100 deductible to make an insurance claim. Oh. Hell. No. I just paid $100 for this refurbed Blackberry 45 days ago and had it back in the store three times with other issues.  The technician told me I had to have shoved the charger in too hard to break the port from the sodered board which I did not. I went back to the store another time, sent Mike in once and called customer service and the insurance provider but no one would listen when I said the phone was defective from the start. I may have thrown a fit. To their credit, I have had EIGHT Blackberries in 15 months. They have died in various ways including being dropped in the washing machine, a toddler toilet full of pee and various other non-violent ways. Of the eight, half of their demises were my fault but half just stopped working.

The result of the latest Blackberry outage is that I haven’t had a cell phone in over a week for the first time since 1996. I started working for “the phone company” right after college and was given a mostly free cell phone as a job perk. I’ve had one ever since even though I stopped working for the company in 2001. I switched my cell phone service after I stopped working for there because the coverage wasn’t acceptable in my house. Now it is and I will be switching back to my original provider and ex-employer.

The point of this diatribe is that I’ve been forced to change my ways. I was addicted to my Blackberry and the instant access to data. As Mike says, I am a media addict. I spent more time on the internet through my phone than I did on my computer and was constantly checking for updates. I favorited twitter, facebook, two email accounts and flickr. No matter what I was doing, I was two clicks away from finding out if I had any new information. Often, clicking one link led to another and checking “just one thing” became a cycle of staring at my phone. If I had the kids at the playground, I had my Blackberry. I checked and clicked away at the store, in the bathroom (Blush. But to my credit, if I am actually talking on the phone, the bathroom is the only safe harbor away from the extra loud kids), and even at traffic lights (sorry Oprah).  The phone allowed me to constantly multi-task and pull away from being fully engaged in anything.

I knew it was an issue but chose to ignore the nagging voice in my head that told me to step away from the Blackberry. It wasn’t until the forced separation from my handy dandy device that I realized how much the internet capable phone was affecting my life. The first week when I didn’t have my phone, I swear I was going through withdrawls. I felt sort of lost (and got physically lost at least once because I no longer had GPS or electronic maps at my fingertips). I felt like I had lost an entire network of friends and feedback which made me lonely and crabby. I had grown used to entertaining myself by reading on my phone in bed before I fell asleep which really did not work. Reading the news is not a relaxing way to prep for sleep. I laid in bed by the glow of my phone way too late on more nights than I want to admit. I used it as my alarm clock so I felt justified in sleeping with my phone next to my pillow. I was always concerned that I was going to run out of battery strength so I had chargers in two rooms and in my car. I was a Blackberry fiend. As often happens, my Dad correctly summed up the situation with this analogy.

“You know how you turn the T.V. off when the kids are being too loud because it is too much at once and it turns into sensory overload? Taking away the noise makes things less stressful”, Dad consoled me as I whined about not having my Blackberry. My Dad recently got an iPhone, his first data phone, so he was beginning to understand the situation. These phones are great tools but they increase the noise and can increase stress. When your phone becomes another responsibility on an already full agenda and is negatively impacting your life, it is time to make changes.

He really likes the iPhone but isn’t keeping it but for varied reasons. Honestly, he would keep it if the phone company wasn’t charging him for internet access at home and on his mobile device. He feels like he’s being charged excessively to access their network and that wireless data access should be covered if he pays for DSL/Uverse at home. He says the phone company is charging his six different ways to access data (DSL, Landline Voice, Wireless Voice, Text, Wireless Data, Television because it is all combined in one package) in an ala cart fashion even though they claim to make it cheaper by bundling it together. If you compare it to a radio, they are charging for what they are already broadcasting and consumers are paying to access each channel.

Besides the money factor, I do miss my Blackberry but I appreciate being more actively engaged in my life. I can only access the internet when I’m on my laptop which means no more browsing when I’m outside with the kids. I’ve been looking up more instead of staring into the palm of my hand which I appreciate on beautiful spring days. The lack of distraction has reduced my stress level a bit which makes me calmer. I cannot argue that I’m feeling better without my phone.

I will get another phone through a different company but it will not be equipped with a web browser. I’m going against the trend and reverting back to talking and texting. I’ve been using our landline phone which isn’t even cordless which has led to my children discovering the lost art of bugging the hell out of Mom by twirling in the phone cord while she tries to talk. I’ve taught the triplets how to dial their grandparents’ house without hitting send (which is a lot like them looking for the display button on the back of digital cameras, they didn’t get whey there was no “send” button on the home phone). I fell asleep last night without any problem and I’ve managed to write more. Was the problem the phone? No, the problem was me but the phone was my gateway. Maybe I’m just too obsessive to have the internet at my finger tips. Oh well, the first step is admitting it.

Do other people have these issues with phones and the internet or am I just special?

John Lennon sang, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” in a song about parenting; it is an axiom I try to remember while raising this clan of crazy kids. As I said in the last post, we were planning on having Lily’s stoma surgically closed again and we were hoping she would stay healthy. The night before the scheduled operation, she spiked a 103 fever and we had to cancel surgery for a third time. Three scheduled surgeries, three separate illnesses that kept us from having her stoma sliced then stitched back together.

She recovered quickly and I began wondering if perhaps this surgery wasn’t meant to be. I decided to consult with her original Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT) doctor about the situation because we had an appointment for Jack and had brought all three triplets (doctors love that). Long story shorter, he doesn’t think Lily should have the surgery at this time. He told us it often takes over a year for a trach stoma to close on its own and it may cause more problems if we close it before her body is ready because she is still using it to clear the crap out of her system when she is sick. Basically, she’s still using both airways and may struggle if we take one away before her body is ready. Mike and I have discussed this situation ad nauseum and we agree with the decision to wait. We were worried about the obvious scarring on her neck if the stoma was sewn shut and letting it heal will create a more natural looking identation scar. It feels right not to do the surgery at the moment and as if the three cancellations were the universe pointing out the right way with a giant neon sign.

I am disappointed that I can’t enroll Lil in swimming lessons and have to delay letting her lay down in the bathtub to pretend she is The Little Mermaid. To console the disappointment, I may enroll her in dance lessons so she can wear a little tutu and dance in a studio since now she is stuck in “dance, twirl and jump in every situation” mode. She may not get to swim yet but we’ll find a compromise.

Sometimes I forget how far we’ve come since she was a one and a half pound baby on a ventilator in the NICU. She looks big and healthy, especially when she’s dancing down the grocery store aisle, but her lungs are still filled with scars from being born too early. When she gets a cold, we have to push nebulizers and crank up our home oxygen concentrator. We struggle to keep her out of the hospital at least once a month in the winter and use her g-button every day to supplement her feedings. She is still fighting against her prematurity and we all have to be both patient and thankful she is still here to fight. I recently read this post from Billie, mother of twin former micro-preemies who also continue struggle against the effects of severe prematurity. I’ve followed her twins’ stories since I found her during the the months when Lily was still in the NICU and spent too many nights googling “micro preemies”.  In her words, “Our lives have been forever impacted by the long-term effects of prematurity, and this recent sickness serves to once again remind us why we support the March of Dimes.”  I couldn’t agree with her more. One day, we’ll be fabulously wealthy and donate a huge amount of money to the March of Dimes (and The Ronald McDonald House).

In other news, we learned that Jack has to have his tonsils removed in April so we’ll still have some super fun surgery time. He has sleep apnea due to the world’s largest tonsils and they swell when he is sick. The day after the ENT appointment, the preschool nurse called to tell me his tonsils were so big they were making him talk funny. I took him into the pediatrician and we found out he had severe strep throat. All three triplets were treated for strep and then I got sick and also put on antibiotics. It was not a fun week but thankfully, the oldest and Mike did not get sick. I swear the oldest has an immune system made of kryptonite. Mike also stayed home when I was the sickest and took care of all the kids while force feeding me popsicles. He’s a very useful engine*.

This week seems to be calmer- knocking furiously on wood- and we’re looking forward to more Easter Egg Hunting this weekend. We happend to run into a giant, gift-bearing bunny last weekend.

*”Very Useful Engine” comes from Thomas the Tank Engine. If you didn’t know the reference, you’ve never been forced to watch Thomas DVD’s until your ears start bleeding from the syrupy sweet songs belted out by a Pink Floyd-esque choir of British children.

I don’t want to jinx it but Lily is scheduled to have surgery to close the still open stoma from her trach next week. This will be the third attempt at this surgery since she got sick the previous two times so maybe 3 is the magic number. The trach came out last July but the hole has remained. It has been the size of a pencil eraser for months and she still uses it, at least partially, for an airway. She had pneumonia last month and I was able to give her oxygen and nebulizer treatments through her stoma so it isn’t all bad. She has two airways and two ways of feeding her since she still has a g-button as well.

The g-button is still necessary because when she is sick, she won’t eat and she gets supplementary feedings. She is in the third percentile on the weight growth chart and slowly gains weight but quickly loses it (I wish I had this problem). We also use it to give her medicine which is hella useful. There have been times, while wrestling one of the boys in an attempt to give him antibiotics, that I wished all kids had an extra stomach route.

The last time we were in the hospital, I asked about removing the g-tube but her doc pointed out we’re still using it. He said it will become apparent when we don’t need it anymore like it did with the trach. I really like her doctor and walk away from our conversations feeling like I just met with an extra great professor after class. He has been with us through many hospitalizations and I trust him. The g-button stays for now but we would like to close the hole in her neck hence next week’s surgery.

One of Lily’s nurses has become like family. She’s an integral part of our lives and keeping Lil out of the hospital. At night, she gives her feedings, neb treatments and watches the pulse-ox machine. Last night, she brought Lil a picture frame with a music box on the back. I just realized it plays, “I Love You Baby” which is just about the best thing ever (except Mike just pointed out music boxes sound increasingly sad/creepy sounding as they wind down. He’s right).

If Lil’s surgery goes well, she will probably lose most of her nursing hours which will be an adjustment. We’ve had nurses here for four years. The winter olympics actually marked Lily’s four year anniversary of coming home from the NICU. We’ve had nurses here for the same length of time I was in high school -fighting urge to insert graduation metaphor- so her loss is going to take getting used to for all of us.
Regardless of what happens with her nursing hours, we are looking forward to Lily’s neck being hole free. She wants to lay down in the bathtub and take swimming lessons but she can’t do either until her neck has healed. Hopefully we will be on track to be ready for swimming when summer begins. I can’t wait.

I’m missing keys again*.

One evening, E was being particularly well behaved and I let him play a game on my laptop. I left the room and when I came back, various keys had been liberated from my keyboard. The biggest key, the space key, disappeared completely and my dusty foray into the vacuum cleaner bag was for naught. (I wanted to use pretentious wording in the previous sentence. I also have difficulties spelling vacuum so I really am just frontin’.) (Incidentally, I think I’m parenthetically punctuating incorrectly. I’m never sure where to end with the punctuation.) Should there be another period after that closing parentheses? Why do I repeatedly consider these things and sometimes write about it instead of just looking it up? How did I live before Google? Are people as a whole smarter because of the collective consciousness that is Google (or rather the internet since Google is just the search engine.)? See, there is that parenthetical punctuation issue again.

Geez, is it any wonder I can’t write anything of substance? I write a few lines then get lost in parentheses and tangents.

Mike salvaged the remaining, non space keys and tiny white framing things that keep them attached to the keyboard and rearranged the missing keys so the letters were still there. He only found enough of the white things to re-add some of the keys so I’ve been typing for a few weeks without a space key, an alt and uh, something else. Incidentally, no matter how well or often a person types, it is damn hard to look at an empty keyboard and verbalize what goes where.

My laptop is three years old and came pre-loaded with Windows Vista. I am hoping Vista is behind my computer’s numerous delays, hung windows and general suckiness. The laptop has major performance issues and I’ve been hoping reformatting the hard drive and freshly installing Windows 7 (and maybe adding more RAM) will make using it more enjoyable and make me fantasize about taking a baseball bat to it ala Office Space less.

So, when E freed some keys, I decided I wouldn’t put up with this half-ass computer any longer! Then, I did. But now! I am transferring my files to the external hard drive (does anyone else find themselves wondering if a back up for the back up external drive is needed and then wonder where it will end?) in preparation for taking my laptop to a professional.

I find myself stammering like an idiot in the computer repair place and feeling like the father requesting “I Just Called To Say I Love You” in High Fidelity to the Jack Black techie behind the counter. “Uh, can you just, you know, make this thing work?” even though I know a fair bit about computers. Computer repair places are the new record stores for the pretentious!

Wish me and my hooptie computer luck!

*For those keeping track at home, they have done this to my keyboard before.